Saturday, October 31, 2009

no crying in cross...

So, Beacon remains my nemesis...the race that gets the best of me year after year, yet I always come back for more. The course doesn't suit me at all...fast, relatively flat (save for the Amphitheater of Pain, the only elevation to speak of and if you are petite in stature like myself...well, those steps are laughably murder)... Anyway. After hanging onto the talented & strong lead group for a mere minute, I dropped back and kind of hung in limbo til a few women caught me...crashed gloriously with two laps to go (already faltering long before my crash, don't get me wrong)... Rrrrrrrrrrr. Crashing sucks (duh). I'm not even sure what happened...maybe I overcooked the turn, but my near-endo landed me on my right side with a nasty thud. Predictably, my race unraveled. The last time up the Amphitheater of Pain(ful) left me wincing and nearly crawling to the top, barely heaving my bike enough to make it up the ridiculous steps. No style points...no skillz...all grimace & grunt. Crashing sucks (duh). Rounding the corner to the last downhill before the road finish, tears welled up...big, fat salty tears. Tears like fuck this hurts bad and fuck I feel like an idiot... And then I have a few seconds to try to suck it up and get it together before the finish (why does it even matter)...I'm choked up, a mess (like when your boss is a dick or a parent hurts your feelings and you try to rise above...ugh)...no crying in cross no crying in cross... Finally, emerge on the road & I'm pulling through, but what the...now I have to sprint?! Caitlin is suddenly on my wheel...and I'm all, seriously?? Do I have anything left?? (I did) That was my silver lining (in spite of hurting like mad)...truly, it's always a race to the end and you never, never know... I'm bummed that I wasn't up for hanging around to cheer on my teammates and friends...I'm bummed that my attitude quickly soured just because I got hurt. but, there's always tomorrow...(fingers crossed/hot bath/ibuprofen/rest/ice)

Friday, October 30, 2009

mischief night

It's not too late... I still haven't carved a pumpkin or been to the haunted hayride (I can't handle the Bates Motel or the haunted corn maze anymore). I need to procure some supplies for mischief night, too... Tomorrow night I am taking my son trick-or-treating. He is Iron Man and I am Pepper (duh). Today we are modifying his costume to make it "more badass." Cross race, trick-or-treat, cross race. Oh, how I love love love this time of year! (is it me or are the leaves actually more colorful this fall?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

bad dreams suck

My son woke up 5 minutes before my alarm with a bad dream...I'm not going to iron my scrubs, but I am going to sit and drink my tea. I am not get-up-and-GO...I never have been. I am more get-up-a-little-bit-after-the-alarm-and-gently-ease-into-the-cold-dark-morning. that's just my style... I eat my breakfast, drink my (huge cup of) tea, and watch a little Action News (bemoaning the weather today) and wait til the last possible minute to hop in the shower. From there, it is a mad scramble to get ready, get my son ready, and make it to work (almost) on time. Bad dreams suck...especially when you are almost five.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

leveled

Two flats, rear & front brakes rubbing, seatpost too low, stuck in big ring... that is what my easy 90 minute "spin" felt like this afternoon. In truth, no mecanical issues whatsoever, no significant hills to speak of...just plain dead legs. I am loathe to even admit how I spent my Friday night and I wish I had a more salacious tale of how I came to have opiates coursing through my veins into the early morning hours... Quite simply, I was leveled by my first migraine and found myself reluctantly (once again) in Chester County ER. Ugh. I'm beginning to feel like that girl...with "issues", often in the hospital or at the doctor with some (non-life-threatening, thank goodness) malady, laughably starved for attention (or blog fodder). Back in my early twenties, I thought I suffered from my migraines...I had some badass headaches that warranted enough attention for an MRI & a prescription for migraine meds. Those headaches were nothing like what I experienced Thursday night through Saturday morning... Pure, nasty hell. It unraveled like this: Thursday at work: weird, tingly nuisance on the right side of my face, curious jaw pain and weird ache in my right temple...the lights seemed especially bright in the office. Being a non-patient day, I was the only assistant in the clinic & kept the music turned down to the lowest volume. Wondered if I slept funny...or if my son punched me in the face in the middle of the night. That evening, I kept plans with friends at Teca...had a lovely time catching up with my cousin & our mutual friend visiting from Phoenix...felt kind of funny, picked at my food & didn't finish my glass of wine. Opted out of after-dinner bar hopping in favor of a hot bath and bed. Slept like crap, couldn't lay on my right side...head pounding, pressure around my temple. Friday: pretty uneventful, but felt strangely hung over (like I drank 4 key lime martinis and a shot of Jaeger...not like I nursed half a glass of Pinot Noir). I struggled to get dinner started for my son and pretty much fell apart from there...I don't even remember much more than crying as I stirred a pot of boiling water and insisting to my best friend that I did not need medical attention. How bad I didn't want to go the hospital: verge of breakdown bad...I wanted to take more Excedrin & curl up with my kid, turn the lights off, watch a movie... That never materialized...the pain was too much for this wuss to bear and by midnight I was knee-deep in opiates and waiting for a CAT scan. Bawling like a baby, the Ugly Crier was in full effect. So, that's a migraine, huh? Wow...serious shit. I will never scoff at anybody's headache ever again. I get it. On the bright side: Halloween is next week...my son is still undecided between Iron Man, Scooby Doo, and Luke Skywalker. Luke will likely prevail (light saber...just sayin). Double cross every weekend starting with Beacon...Beacon is one of my all-time favorite courses, yet I always have a lousy race there. I want redemption! Dinner tonight at Alma de Cuba to celebrate my brother & sister-in-law's 6th Anniversary. I think I will stay away from the mojitos, as I still feel bleary and kinda down...I will, however, indulge in some salty, fried plantains! Mmmm.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Granogue & Wiss...I can't even describe the weekend...okay, I'll try:

does this mud make my ass look big?
Here I am...Monday. The sun is shining & puddles have dried up...the lawn is a little less soggy & the mud on the FJ is dry & crumbly. Sigh. Dry, clean clothes are hanging in the laundry room...bottles are washed, sitting in the drying rack. Shoes still need attention, but my dad has (thank you thank you thank you) taken care of the bikes. Monday...still abuzz with absolute crazy cross love... Amazing weekend. I am in awe of the incredible bike racing I saw this weekend...mostly, I am just happy & thankful to have found my little place in this mud-loving community. Although I still feel like the new kid, I am stoked to be a part of a team that just gets it (and totally slays it in the mud, apparently). Maybe this sums it up better than anything else: Last night I dreamed the trees in my neighborhood were linked together with SRAM tape... thanks for reading.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

cyclostalker qu'est que c'est...fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa

"Will you sign my medal?...Ummm, I don't watch sports, I never played sports, but it's amazing to see what you do out there. You guys are the sh*t. Thank you." no shame. none.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Iron Cross Lite...

My dad won...pretty freaking inspiring to watch him sail through the spiral and keep moving moving moving. My dad rocks...I try to listen, try to learn. I missed Anne Rock...I missed our smack talk/pep-rally on the grid. I raced kind of sloppy...I was on my knees in the sand pit after a pretty ferocious start. On my knees...with wheels bouncing off my helmet and shouting and nerves. What else? I worked really hard to catch the lead group...worked well with Jess Kates (crazy kit, super-strong), but bungled (once again) in the sand with one lap to go. Something was a little off, I can't name it...all I know is, the race was over & I was tired. I felt kinda defeated, kinda hungry...it was weird, yet I still had fun. The pine trees made it all worthwhile.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

extolling the virtues of Pac-Man & other bedtime stories

Seems my kid says the cutest, most heartfelt things just as he is about to conk out for the night...there's always this sleepy little musing right before the zzzzzzzzzzz sets in.
Tonight, we read two books & talked a little about Pac-man & Ms. Pac-man...I thought he was asleep, but then he goes, "I bet we look cute right now, mom...all cozy and snuggled up."
Awwwww.
Kid stuff that I never want to forget.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

"...and the Hustle's Really On..." (as sung by the late, great T-Bone Walker)

Pictured above is me & my awesome teammate, Diane...I love her attitude and her pluck. At last, redemption was mine at the Hillbilly Hustle (where, until now, I have always had a lousy race). Lining up for my first foray in the Elites, I channeled Catherine Powers' voice in my head, "I belong here because I am fast..." (or, in my case, I belong here because I can be fast)...I'd be a fool not to acknowledge the fact that I was also inspired by my dad's win just hours before.

race like an A race like an A race like an A race like an A race like an A race like an A...

(I don't know how or why these things pop up in my head while I'm racing, but it works for me...sometimes it's a song, sometimes it's a haphazard silly mantra, sometimes it's words shouted from the other side of the tape...today it was, "Bury yourself, Kim" on one lap and, "Smile!!" on the next...thanks, dad)...as I said, it just works for me.

If I've learned anything this past year, it's that attitude is everything...I've watched it and embraced it in just about every area of my life in the past eighteen or so months...far from any race course, too.

The Hustle was on...the mud, the fast turns, the mound of doom (heh heh)...I rode the hell out of that course and made my legs ache in ways I've never felt before. I was proud to cross the line 4th, hot on the heels of Diane...she rode an amazingly strong & smooth race, graciously showing me how it's done in the A's.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

all about me Part II

...sometimes, it's no surprise at all that I couldn't stay married...after one calendar year of being on my own, I am just barely getting used to saying things like, "single mom" or "separated" or "filing for..." or "property agreement." Some days, however, it feels/sounds like the most natural thing in the world. Trying to stay on top of the pragmatics of working, keeping my home, and being a loving & strong mom hardly affords me much time to daydream or wonder what the future brings...for now, I just need to make sure the bills are paid & there is something other than Pokemon Mac-n-Cheese on the dinner table more nights than not. Surviving feels good...thriving will feel even better.

Friday, October 2, 2009

all about me

I have a broken toe...pretty sure it's the same one I broke almost two years ago (which is only worth remembering because it happened the day before Beacon...) I have a pile of papers with lots of legal terms that are tricky (for me) to understand...trying to make sure all the bases are covered and nobody's getting ripped off isn't pretty. I have an icky cold that's been lingering since Sunday night...skipped a ride/practice on Wednesday, ate pizza and cinnamon rolls this week...should prove AWESOME for this Sunday's race. I have a new roommate...though, he's more like a pen pal with the hours he works. The house looks & feels exactly the same except for a notepad on the kitchen counter ("Chris, there are tacos in the fridge"..."Sorry if I made too much noise, Kim...went food shopping late"...) I have nothing exciting to say today...