Monday, November 30, 2009

scrambly

I forgot to go grocery shopping this weekend... You can tell it's been cross-crazy in the Dubeck household, as evidenced by the mountains of both clean and dirty laundry...the empty fridge...the piles of clutter...pairs of shoes here & there (rain boots and muddy Sidis in the kitchen...flip-flops & clogs in the hallway)...ziploc bags holding gels & bars (and another for socks & gloves)...toys shoved into corners, piled into bins...a stack of mail about to knock over the (dirty) fish bowl. Slacker. But, My son is fed & clean...phew.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Little Miss Rant-y

Thanksgiving was wonderful...the best I've had in years. I love it when there is a crowd at the table. PA States was great...what a competitive season it's been, even now as it draws to a close. Phelps...sucked. In spite of a good course, perfect weather/conditions, and excellent racing, I am left with sour grapes and frustration. Just moments upon crossing the line, still gasping for air, the promoter made a pretty insulting comment about the lack of a women's field and something to the effect of, "that wasn't even a race..." I started to get into it ("hey, that's a pretty offensive thing to say to someone who just raced her guts out just moments ago...")... I felt so depleted and didn't want my emotions coupled with sheer exhaustion to get the best of me. Dangerous combination, often with regrettable results. So, I took the high road & said, "Thanks for a great RACE." RRRR. Not my fault that the numbers were low, not my fault that it conflicted with another race... How about, "Thanks for coming out, thanks for supporting a local race..." I think I may take my son to see Fantastic Mr. Fox tonight...that will make me feel better, I'm sure.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

thanks

If you've stuck by me, backed me up, helped me get to sleep, boosted my confidence, pushed me, paid me a heartfelt compliment, sent me flowers at work for no occasion in particular, made my day a little easier, lent a hand, emptied the dishwasher, called to check on things, did something thoughtful for my son, shared something interesting with me, cracked me up, taught me something useful, helped me be a better mom/daughter/friend/teammate/person, thanks!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

hamptons weekend...yaaaaawwwwn

what a weekend... raced my freaking guts out both days... love that course, love day two even more. favorite sections: the wooded sandy trail and the swoopy turn leading to the log run-up... so much fun with some of my favorite people... slept like crap in my overheated hotel room last night, but it didn't matter... felt energized and alive on the bike and made it happen. passing out in the comfort of my own bed commences NOW...

Friday, November 20, 2009

november

In the thick of it... Thanksgiving is all but sneaking up on me...in 4 hours I will wake up & get my bleary ass in the car pointed toward Long Island for more cross cross cross. Going to be a tough weekend (aren't they all?) and I can't wait. Won't be nearly as cold as last year...can't be. Maybe a little exploratory spin around Southampton to ogle all the ridiculous real estate on the beach? I was sick all week with a cold/fevery thing...just enough to render me useless at work & home. My kid is the best...he will be five soon, real soon... I'm going to Nationals. I'm freaking out the way I always do when I anticipate being away from my "pack" (my pack is really just my son, but...)... I'm freaking out the way I always do when I anticipate getting on a plane. Bend, Oregon isn't exactly easy to get to. Long Island is a lot closer than Bend, but I am freaking out a little about that, too...I always torture myself this way. Commit to something, cajole other people into joining the fun, fret about going away, fret about a million tiny things way beyond my control... Once, I saw a therapist every two weeks...I was in the worst tailspin of insomnia ever and it was pretty much ruling my life. Aside from the physiological effects of not getting any sleep, I was anxious about all the worries that would plague me all through the night, every night. It was a terrible loop to be stuck in, knowing that not only would I not fall asleep, but I would be up all night worrying worrying worrying. My therapist suggested a visualization technique (at the time, I was getting ready to go to Kansas City, for Nationals in '07)... I was caught up in so much anxiety about flying and racing and getting hurt and crashing my rental car and being away from my kid and being stuck in an ice storm in Kansas and... My therapist said, "Just imagine yourself pulling into your driveway at home after your trip...the lights are on, your son is there waiting, you made it back safe..." I suck at visualization. I keep trying, though.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

US Gran Bummer

here is my sour grapes not-a-race-report-more-like-a-punctuation-mark-to-a-really-crappy-week: I didn't like the course (and I do love the mud...we all know, I love love love the mud)... I really didn't like the course. In my opinion, it was uninspired...blah. I did like the weather...windy, drizzly, warm. I was happy to see everyone...teammates, friends, women I've been racing with week after week since September. Thirty minutes of lame followed a rather nonchalant start (was there even a whistle? I think it was more like, uh, ready in 15 seconds, uh, GO)... Thirty minutes of churn-y, mucky, relentless lame. The most exciting part of my race was the final sprint with a junior boy...he got me by a bike length. damn. Funny thing is, after taking the week off (to work my ass off & tend to my flu-y kid), my legs felt strong and fresh...my head was in it, but only because I was battling back and forth with a junior boy for two laps of my illustrious three lap race. I don't have sour grapes about my result, I raced well... It's just the funk. Funk left over from the week... Usually, a race picks me up instead of flattening me even more. this one got me down. all three laps of it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

cinnamon toast, please...

F*ck the bike. ...my son has a fever and we were up all night ("Mommm, can I have some water please??" "Mommm, can you sing the song with all the reindeer names?" "Mommmm, I don't feel so good." "Mommm, I'm hot." "Mommm, I'm cold." "Mommm, I need more water, please.") At least he is very polite when he is sick. Poor kid. Following last weekend's double, I intended to taper a little, as my legs felt flat & ugly in a whole new way. I intended to get a massage, at the very least. I intended to spin on the trainer...move a little, you know? I had plans to meet my dad for a short tempo ride this morning while my son is at school. My son is staying home from school today because he has a rather high fever (no other symptoms yet, except the pitiful scratchy lilt in his voice when he says things like, "I feel so bad for myself today." So, a taper week became a week completely off. Makes me wonder how other single moms with full-time jobs do it... Somehow, I've managed to scrape enough fitness together by training one day a week since the end of the summer (having been ill practically all summer long) to hold my own and then some, this season. Makes me wonder how the hell I am going to race in the elites next year...(I know, I know...why worry about next year when this season is hardly over...it's what I do...I worry)... Even with the support of my family (and ex, for that matter), racing/training has proven to be a pretty delicate balancing act...lately, I feel like I am running on fumes. And passing out by 8pm most nights, sometimes in my uniform (gross). Still, I'm having fun most of the time. I'll figure it out.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

sorry, that's not whiskey in my tea...

tomorrow is plainly going to hurt soooo bad...
back to back races + three hour drive home= may I please have Monday off? (no, I may not)
excellent weather made for great (dry) conditions this weekend for both races...no energy or desire to lay down a race report, but I will say this:
Both races went well & I certainly had nothing left by the time I packed up my gear and rolled out of Rosaryville State Park...two solid efforts, proud of both rides.
What really stands out about this weekend, though:
I had the opportunity to travel (somewhat) afar and spend some time getting to know my teammates...I would hardly call myself socially awkward, but I am shy and am often "the quiet one" (until, of course, you get to me...well, I am still the quiet one most of the time)...it was important to me to step outside of my shell a bit (thankfully, my team makes that rather easy).
In spite of a pretty horrendous drive home, an empty stomach, and impending headache (it was freaking HOT today), I am so happy to have made the trip this weekend...
What a perfect day to be on the bike.
thank you, Monkey, for letting me experience the glory of 4th Place Urban Camo...that was so, so cool of you.
thank you C3 & friends for the hospitality...
thank you, Jim, for giving me a really good reason to jump into a MABRA race & try someplace new (and I didn't see anyone messing with the exotic native grasses, much to your delight, I'm sure)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

precisely

First thing I said to my son this morning was, "Um, the Yankees won." to which he replied, "That's bullshit, I'm goin back to bed."

so nice to...

roll out easy, at a conversational pace see something other than caution tape in the periphery breathe chilly autumn air hear click, click (ahhh, little ring, there you are) sail through my dad's wake of rustling leaves and flying sticks feel cushy front suspension point and shoot through shallow stream crossings rail (gently) through South Park (wheeeeeee!) not gasp for air & choke on defeat corner better than ever on my mountain bike (thank you, cross) give my right shoulder a break catch a glimpse of a wizened old deer moseying across the trail pass two solid hours in the woods on a Thursday afternoon... (having said that, I am excited for another double this weekend)