Sunday, September 19, 2010

charm city day 2 (day only, in my case)

First UCI Cat 1/2 race. First DNF in a cross race. it's not as if I was kicking ass anyway, but I am bummed that I had to bow out... (a bare ass is one thing, but nobody needs to see me puke, right?) I was trading spots as last & second to last for almost 2 laps before I completely fell apart. Seconds later, I politely made a beeline off the course & into a ditch whereupon I let it all go. Ugh. Found my way back to the car all shaky and sick...but, mostly just utterly bummed. It's been a hell of a week & I can't wait to get better & get away.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

choppy

the doc introduces himself, tells me I am about to get some meds to make me feel better "How far along are you, Kimberly?" "Excuse me? Um...I'm not." "Oh, you're not pregnant? It says here you are." "Definitely not." (blushing blushing blushing) "Great, that simplifies things." I didn't know what to expect today on the bike, after an evening of narcotics & the worst headache of my life... To my surprise, my workout was amazing... I finally felt that snap in my legs that I've been dying to feel... my dad (again) gave me some good insight & helped me with my lackluster cornering... I rode faster and held on longer...it gave me a bit more confidence with Charm City looming. I found a pretty close match to the sweater I ruined after Raystown (not my sweater). I tied a ribbon around it, wrote a heartfelt note & hoped for the best... I fell asleep reading Rolling Stone...I'm glad there is something new from Bon Iver on the horizon. I had two bad dreams already tonight and it's only nine minutes past twelve. The first one seemed like hours, but I had just fallen asleep. The second one was almost exactly the same. Is it too early to get the halloween decorations out? My kid wants to be a skeleton this year. "Old school, " he said.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

nothing a little dilaudid & green papaya can't fix

Went to the ER last night for my annual migraine cocktail...(actually, this was only the second time this has happened to me...usually I can ride this kind of thing out on my own with the help of a dark, quiet room & patience). This headache was different & quite frankly, scary. Everything is fine. Now I just want to get on my bike & purge whatever nastiness is still left in my system. My dreams have been terrifying lately... that sucks. Going away on a real vacation soon... that does not suck at all.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I Can Go Harder

Concrete Crater Cross (PA Series): Walked away from yesterday's race exactly how I felt following the first race of 09. Utterly defeated & sorely disappointed in myself. (plus, downright grumpy) During my pre-ride/warm-up, I rode good lines, sailed through the mud, railed the corners... During my race, I rode silly lines, sailed through the mud, but absolutely blew the corners. I can go harder and I'm going to have to. An unsolicited pep talk/voicemail from a friend provided some much needed perspective...mostly, I am bummed that I left the race grumpy. It's supposed to be fun. Racing/riding around in circles, battling back & forth with a girl who is young enough to me my kid (good for her, she definitely did not blow it in the turns), I relented on the final lap...finished 8th (?) in a small field. 8th isn't what bothers me at all. What bothers me is that my legs were there, but my head was not. I had a timid ride. It was great to see Bill & my dad shut it down in their races. It was great to see Blake line up in a cross race (B, get a cross bike!). It was great to see BadKat blow the doors off me...(I sincerely mean that). It was great to have Monkey back in the mix. It was great to duke it out with Diesel Di & Tammy E again. Charm City next...I may be slow to warm up to the season & that's okay. Little by little, it's bound to come back to me. We have til November, after all.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

ready

Missing the first MAC race may have even been a tiny little bit of a blessing... I want to have a fun season. I don't want to compulsively fill my calendar with every possible race... 2009 was a great season for me on paper, but December found me pretty burnt out & unwilling to ride my bike much til, oh, May (only slight exaggeration). Chasing points, raking through the confirmed riders, sizing up every possible outcome of a race before we even staged (or arrived for that matter) & what kind of points the outcome might yield...ugh. Not again. Not this year, at least. The falling rain this morning is making me giddy, relaxed & anxious all at once. Pretty much exactly how I need to feel embarking on the 2010 season.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

through no fault but my own...

3 more days. The first race is Saturday 9/11 & I will not be racing after all. With roughly 9 months to request an upgrade & sort out the license process, in my typical absentminded/procrastinating fashion, I've waited til the last possible second. I blew it. Somehow, I was unaware that the UCI license was not as easily as acquired (or affordable) as simply renewing a USAC license...I had no idea it couldn't be done online or that I needed a birth certificate or passport (neither of which are in my possession). Masters 35+ is not an option either, apparently, as it is within a UCI event... so, after a barrage of emails between various officials/friends-in-the-know/race promoters, it is evident I am SOL & will be sitting out Nittany (and likely Charm City, sadly). Yeah, I feel like an idiot. My dad stopped by the shop yesterday to order some parts & reminded me how much I've blown it, upon telling him I would not be racing this weekend. You know what? He's right... but. Some pretty big things are going on (personal things, none of which I'll divulge here, because it's just not appropriate). But. My bills are paid on time, my kid is fine, and I've been working harder than perhaps ever. And still training/riding/racing with as much structure & purpose as I possibly can. Something was bound to fall through the cracks & if it happens to be my UCI license, so be it. It's on me. Better that than a prescription for an Epi-pen or a school physical or a mortgage payment or the energy to read three stories to my son after a tiring & physically challenging day at work. I'm bummed & kinda mad at myself, but honestly... this, I can get over.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

zzzzzzzz...

during my 3am sneeze-fest last night, I thought about the following as I tried to go back to sleep: Reston 2010...the ice & the muck & the flu-like symptoms that rendered me anti-social & wasted after a really difficult race. haircut...remorse. shouldn't have chopped it all off. too late, too bad...will grow back. intervals...this time last year, intervals were going strong...meant to wake up early to sneak in a ride before work...(didn't happen) puppies...we're holding out for a puppy. we want a puppy. puppies puppies puppies... work...I miss staying home with my son. I so want to be the one to put him on the bus every day, to greet him when he comes home from Kindergarten, to not be frantic & frazzled & always scrambling scrambling scrambling. Scrambling...enough is enough...I need to get my act together. again and again and again. Cross...so unprepared. I think I'm excited, but I'm not entirely excited. Ambien...may need to reintroduce that on an as-needed basis in the coming months...I can just tell. Pudding Pie...need to make one. My grandparents. My new fork. yep...that was about enough to keep my mind racing for about 90 minutes or so.