Thursday, May 5, 2011


I worry and I brood and then I worry some more.
When I am done worrying, I worry even more for good measure.
It even has a name and when Dr. White kindly explained my diagnosis about eight years ago (in the midst of treatment for insomnia), I was hardly surprised.
What? This makes you a little uncomfortable?
Me, too.
It's why I write about bike rides and bike races and being a mom and wrenching on teeth and slaying stinkbugs and playing Star Wars and eating good food and dancing to Michael Jackson.

When my feelings are hurt or when I may have done something to hurt somebody, I brood.
Long after the fact, when the air is cleared and everyone else has moved on, I worry and worry and worry.
It's a loop that I get stuck in more times than not.
I've adapted helpful skills to cope with this irritating idiosyncrasy of mine, but I have chosen not to go the med route.

The two coping skills that I find most helpful and successful are riding and writing.
I rode my bike today with my friend, Wendy.
We rode 13+ hilly miles of rocky trails.
We rode deep into the woods and chased each other up and down challenging climbs and tricky descents.
I was gross and sweaty and my back was aching.
Bugs were stuck to my chest and inside my sports bra and helmet.
It was an awesome ride, but sh*t was weighing on me.

40 minutes in the car, alone, with my favorite songs, a hot shower, a hug from my son, and I am still brooding.

I blog.

My takeaway from this morning is a gentle reminder, friends:
Pause before you post/publish/chime in/send, lest you may unnecessarily hurt somebody's feelings.
Comments and posts can be deleted, but the sting might hang on a bit longer.
There is so much that I don't share on this blog (that's what drafts and journals are for), so please don't lose sight of the fact that it's not all here...there is a bigger picture and an actual life, a busy/complicated/full/real life outside of silly little "hardtales."



Neil said...

Very well said. Brilliant actually. You don't have to post this comment.

Kim said...

thanks, Neil.
and thanks for reading!

Kim said...

thanks, Neil.
and thanks for reading!