Monday, July 11, 2011

rest in peace

A typical Monday following vacation...
You return to the real world, leave behind the extraordinary week you've just had with your family.
back to work, back to the grind...
Everyone is chatting about the yard work they did over the weekend, the nice weather we've been having, kid stuff, family stuff, work stuff, stuff...
You come home from work and satisfy the craving you've been having all day for pizza and beer (even though you vowed to "get back on track" since vacation is over).
Your boyfriend spills his pint of Saison Dupont on the back porch, so you share your pint with him (of course...that's true love).
You tidy up the house a little, but ignore the one remaining half-unpacked suitcase on the stairs and hope nobody trips on it because it'll probably still be there for a while.
You run a bath for your kid because he is old enough to bathe himself, but still too young to get the temperature right.
You fall asleep for a minute in your kid's bed while he is playing in the tub (no, he won't drown...he's six and this is okay now. relax)...maybe it was the half pint of Saison, maybe it was the mountain bike race yesterday, maybe it was a busy Monday after a week of complete relaxation...
You wake up and ignore the ringing phone downstairs.
You call your parents back, what do they want now? You just spoke to them a little while ago.
"Tommy is dead."
Your 25 year-old cousin is dead and you can't quite believe it and don't even know what to say.
Matter of factly, you tell your son and your boyfriend.
You take a bath, but the water is cold because all the hot water was used up 30 minutes ago when your kid took a bath.
You stay in the awful lukewarm water and feel kind of numb, but a little sadness creeps in.
You think about the pool parties and jumping off the roof into the swimming pool at Tommy's.
You think about giving him the Greenday cd that you listened to over and over in your mom's car to and from his house in New Jersey...1994.
You think about weekends he spent at your house doing regular kid stuff like going to Dairy Queen and the mall and mini golf and the movies.
You think about how awful it must have been to lose his dad at such a young age.
You try to remember how you fell out of touch, but most cousins unfortunately do...only a handful stick when your family is so huge and so far flung.
You think about his mom.
You think about your own son.
You think about your cousin and can't believe he's just gone.
You think about the exchanges you had with him on facebook just a few weeks ago...
"Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. If there is anything I can do, please let me know."

You get out of the tub and find a hoodie...the house is freezing because it's ninety-three degrees outside.
You hate the AC, but are grateful for it when it comes to getting a good night's sleep.
You read a short book to your son and then begin to cry a tiny bit on the edge of his bed.
He gives you the most sincere hug and says, "I'm sorry about your cousin, mom."
And it helps.

"Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. If there is anything I can do, please let me know."           


sara said...

Kimbo, I'm so so so so sorry. If YOU need anything, please let me know. I love you.

Kim said...

thanks, sara :)

megA said...

Oh Kim,
This is so poignant. I traveled south this past weekend to attend the funeral of one of my TSV teammates. Margy was an amazing woman with beautiful children and breast cancer stole her away from them. It's so hard to make sense of the world sometimes.

Thinking of you from up here.

Kim said...

thanks, Megan...
and I'm sorry for your loss, too.