Thursday, March 21, 2013

three months

So, I am fried...
I started this post like three times and found myself just totally zoning out like huh??
I know I can come back to this later, when I have more energy and can actually articulate my reflections on the past three months with our daughter, but...

It's been a hell of a week
Monday found me enjoying an impromptu ride with my dad leaving my legs destroyed and my spirits lifted.
Tuesday was a wreck. I'll just summarize by saying my mom ended up in the ICU after a what was supposed to be a relatively routine out-patient procedure...what matters right now is that she is home and well and that's really all I want to say about that here for now.
That and thank god.
Wednesday...I don't even know what happened Wednesday.
Today, Thursdays, my daughter is three months...sometimes I feel like she just got here, like a second ago.
Sometimes I feel like she's been here with is all along.
I didn't expect to fall into such a comfortable and natural groove with her right away.
I thought I would be teetering on the edge of all kinds of anxiety and worries about a brand new baby again.
I thought, honestly, I'd be a mess for a while.
It's refreshing to be here with her every day and not feel rushed to get to that next milestone, to anticipate that next month, that next thing...
If I could change anything about how I handled myself as a new mom the first time around, it would easily be to enjoy the present moment.
Yeah, that's a cliche and all the seasoned parents are quick to warn us rookies with our little infants, "Cherish this time, it goes so fast, they grow so quickly blah blah blah..." 
It's true.
Except this time, I am that seasoned parent, but I'm kind of the rookie, too...eight years is a long time between babies.
(hey, when son was an infant, we had dial-up took me an hour to "Ask Jeeves" about teething woes or how to calm a fussy fact, I was more inclined to pore over actual books)
This time, I am not in a rush to reach that next milestone...
This time, I am even more sentimental (if that's possible)  when it's time to pack up tiny outgrown pajamas and onesies small enough to fit Max's teddy bear.
This time, I have more confidence as a mom (thanks in large part to a loving partner who isn't shy about cheering me on and helping me feel like we know what we're doing).

But this isn't entirely about me, the mom,  at three months.
Our girl is growing and filling our home with tons of little squeaks, smiles, gurgles, and coos.
Her head is fuzzy with a crop of soft reddish hair and ridiculously long eyelashes to match.
She lights up when we greet her in the morning and when her brother enters the room.
We spend our days batting at soft toys, hanging onto a rattle for a few minutes, grooving to the Scooby Doo theme song,  lounging on the floor, and bundling up for chilly walks. 
My little girl has encouraged me to slow down and just be here.
Having a baby again has helped me cherish my firstborn in a new light, too...I didn't expect that and I didn't think I could love him even more than I already did.

So, three months...
I'm so beat.
It's awesome.



1 comment:

Jill said...

Best wishes to your mom for recovery and healing! Wonderful you got out to ride! Sending sunshine from Kansas! (Even though we're getting snow again today! :) )