Sunday, April 28, 2013

testy (4 months postpartum)

In spite of an awesome evening with my sweet family, I am super testy and mad at the world.
I'm out of patience with everyone (except the*t, she's cute and a good sleeper).
I feel like I could Hulk out or have an anxiety attack any second, but I'm too tired for all that nonsense.

I know what this is about, as evidenced by the handful upon handful of hair that has been falling out of my head for the past week.
Hormones are no joke.
Four months postpartum...if I remember correctly, four months was kind of a turning point.
On last deluge of hormonal trickery as things level out and return to "normal." (ha!)
I forgot about this until the hair thing first, in the shower, I was like, "What the f*ck?"
So. Much. Hair... falling out.
Followed by bad skin.
Losing hair and breaking out.

It took me a few days to put it together, but now I get it.
And this, too, shall pass...right?
And now I am waiting to see if this Sleep Regression thing is real (apparently all babies go through a horrendous sleep regression thing right around the four month mark...from what I understand, my wonderful little sleeper is going to turn on me and start waking every hour/minute, an inconsolable mess).
Either this is a new "thing" or I was oblivious to it the first time around because my son never slept anyway (and I was too sleep-deprived to care, let alone weed through what little information was out there on my slow-ass dial-up internet).
I'm not an idiot.
I know it's coming.
Whether it's this fabled Sleep Regression, good old fashioned teething or developmental milestones (I want to laugh/crawl/pull myself up, Mom! Sleep is DUMB!), it's coming and I am not braced for it.
(I know, I know...too bad)   

So, I'm pretty testy, but hopefully not for long.


*Yesterday I rode with Bill...
Our ride inspired me to draft a short post about getting out of my rut, but Blogger seems to be having issues with uploading photos, so this is what you get instead. 
Testy Kim bitching about hormones...xo


Thursday, April 25, 2013

ease up

Sometimes I worry that it's too quiet around here or that I am not engaging enough with the baby or that I shouldn't have the TV on while I drink my tea and eat my breakfast (as the baby zones out to Snoop Lion on Live with Kelly & Michael) or that she hasn't "talked" all day so I must be doing something wrong...I worry that I'm not doing enough with her.

that's all.

She seems happy and is certainly loved, so I could probably stand to worry a little less.

(yeah, that's not happening)

* much. pink.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

the rut

If you are new here, hi...and welcome to my rut.
I blame the spring-turned-back-into-winter this week.
I blame being off the bike for, like, sixteen days in a row (mostly by choice...I don't even know what happened).
Today I tricked one of my best friends (who also happens to have a baby girl) into coming over just so my baby could look at some different faces and hear other voices.
(okay, I was sick of my own voice)

At least I managed to change out of my Mom Suit before Bill came home this evening.

That's my rut and I can only be stuck here for a few more days before things get really ugly.
How do you get out of yours?

Friday, April 19, 2013

from the kitchen: awesome sh*t I made this week

pistachio pesto scallops

Lemon Ricotta Blueberry Bread (no sugar and amazing for breakfast)

matzoh spinach pie (Spani-faux-kita)

*Not pictured: Kraft mac-n-cheese accompanying Gorton's fish sticks and five baby carrots (yes, sometimes I do make a separate meal for Max. I am eating my words- "this is not a restaurant"- I am that mom...sometimes)

I love spending time in my (poorly laid out and extremely disorganized) kitchen creating awesome sh*t for my family to eat.

Sometimes, I kick everyone out and listen to my favorite songs while I tear up every conceivable surface/utensil/mixing bowl in the name of the Perfect Cookie.
Sometimes, Max is beside me on his step stool, sleeves rolled up, grating pecorino or rolling out dough (and he is in charge of the Playlist).
Sometimes, Maeve and I are having a "conversation" as she happily drools and coos in her swing while the tea kettle whistles and blueberry bread is rising in the oven.
Admittedly, our kitchen is pretty goofy (I have to go downstairs to switch the breaker off whenever I use the oven), but good stuff happens there almost every day. 

*Max would have Gorton's fishsticks and Kraft mac-n-cheese every night if he had his way (he doesn't). Although he is reluctant to try lick (gross) anything new, I am encouraging him to spend more time prepping and planning what we eat. We are spending time together and that's a win.

Thursday, April 18, 2013


Bill opted not to ride.
We took our dinner to the park and let the kids stay up a little later.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

ice cream

F*ck that Month Without Junk.

After a day of bad news and broken hearts, we laughed and caught up over ridiculously perfect waffles and sundaes at the most magical little ice cream place.
Today my son was still talking about The Night We Had Ice Cream for Dinner instead of all the senseless, scary shit that has been happening in our world.

(and I had a beer tonight when our friends came over for burgers...and I haven't been on my bike since LAST Sunday...guess what? It's really is)

You just never know these days...
Smother your kids with love and affection, be kind, help somebody have an easier day, eat some motherf*cking ice cream.

Monday, April 15, 2013

what do you do all day?

I bake a lot of goodies...(which explains the stubborn last six to ten lbs)

I sort mountains and mountains of laundry...occasionally, I put it away

I sit back and watch...

...and snap countless pictures

I cover this tiny one in kisses

and soak up all the affection I can from the big one, too (he's not too cool for it...yet)

A glimpse of my day.
We are not on a schedule, but we have fallen into a very comfortable (yet, flexible) groove.
Eat. Play. Nap. Repeat.
Maeve fits right in.
She is content to hang out in the kitchen while I empty the dishwasher or make pizza dough, but loves our little excursions outside, too.
She lights up when her brother gets off the bus and when her dad comes home.

I think she is starting to figure out who her people are, which is pretty amazing to watch.
We have a loose routine in place, a pattern to our everyday.

baby stuff

Bill handled Maeve all weekend, as I was under the weather and out of commission...

I knew he'd be good at this, all this baby stuff.

Friday, April 12, 2013

live blues

Last night, my dad took me, my brother, and Bill to see Buddy Guy at the Scottish Rite Auditorium in Collingswood, NJ.
Although he is seventy-six and perhaps one of the few remaining living blues legends, Buddy Guy doesn't perform like an old man by any stretch.  
As always, he put on an energetic show and paused for a solo in the seat behind my brother.
After a few quick photos, I promptly tucked my phone away to enjoy the moment.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

checking in: Week Two (the month without junk)

this ice cream is going to taste so f*cking May
It's been easier than I expected.
Although I wholeheartedly enjoyed myself during our anniversary/my birthday weekend, I don't feel like I over-indulged (a few cocktails and a shared dessert at one of our favorite date spots, beers and birthday cake with friends, nothing outrageous or regrettable).
By Monday, I was more than happy to get back on track.
Obviously, I am not seeing any results yet, but I feel better...I feel a little less loathsome about my post-baby body.
Mostly, I am letting common sense guide me and this is how:
  • I've been logging everything I eat. Why? It helps me see the big picture and stay balanced. I don't look at calories or fat grams or any numbers for that matter. Writing down what I consume throughout the day makes me feel more accountable and successful. I have also been better about hydration  now that I am keeping track of how many glasses of water I drink.   
  • I've been making/baking a lot of food from scratch (which means no sugar, no crap) turn, I've been having fun in the kitchen making great things for my family to eat.
  • We've been making a weekly meal plan and have actually been using it (which eliminates laziness and temptation to grab a pizza or Thai takeout). This is huge for us and has also helped us become less wasteful.
  • I've been more mindful about serving sizes (I'll measure out 1/4C of almonds for the day rather than reach into the bag for a handful every time I pass through the kitchen).
  • I've dusted off the blender and perfected a few reliable smoothie recipes for a quick breakfast.
  • I've also perfected homemade oatmeal, which is great for the mornings that I ride.
  • I haven't eaten anything after dinner. This one is kind of a biggie for me because we usually enjoy some ice cream or sorbet after the kids have gone to bed (not to mention my nightly ritual of dipping into my secret candy stash while the tub fills for my bath). Yeah, that one hurt a bit more than the others. 
So...nothing incredibly revelatory, but it feels good to have a plan.
As for the commitment to break a sweat every day? That's going well, too. I am riding at least twice a week and taking long walks/hikes on the other days.
My goals aren't too lofty.
I simply want to feel better about myself by the end of this month and hopefully fit into some of my clothes.
If these habits and changes stick, that will be a bonus...
A bonus I will toast to next month with an occasional brew (or Triple Monkey ice cream).
Or both.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

under a tree...

I know it may sound contrite, but I am so thankful that I am able to spend a beautiful Tuesday morning with my daughter.
I'm thankful we get to enjoy this together.
I stayed home with my son when he was a baby and although he may not remember days like this, I sure do.

Some days are boring and frustrating and hard.
Some days are lonely and I don't even speak to another adult until my husband gets home.
Some days I am tired and cranky and hate the way my clothes fit.
Some days I forget to eat actual food (a handful of goldfish doesn't count) or drink water. 
Some days I feel trapped in our house or our neighborhood (luckily, those freezing cold gray days seem to be waning thank god thank god thank god).
Some days suck.
Most days are not like that, though...and most days I am pretty overcome with gratitude that I get to do this stuff all over again with a little baby girl.


Monday, April 8, 2013

a Sunday ride

My legs still feel pretty pummeled after yesterday's ride at Middle Run/White Clay...
In spite of my tailbone woes and insecurities about riding with new people, I truly enjoyed a perfect spring morning on some of my favorite trails.
The pace bounced between conversational and sprightly...challenging, yet I wasn't completely destroyed.
(okay, sitting outside by the fire last night while enjoying an anniversary Saison Dupont among friends, I was utterly destroyed...two hours in the saddle caught up with me in a hurry)

The past few rides have reminded me to let it go a bit...
I don't have to ride quite so gingerly, quite as protectively as when I was pregnant (although there is that faint voice mumbling something about "won't be easy to change diapers with a broken hand" or "not much room for any more concussions in your future").  
Confidence is slowly coming back and I'm really trying to make the most of every ride.

Post-baby, I've hit Harmony Hill, Brandywine, French Creek, and MR/WC...
Where to next? Wissahickon?
Although my fitness has yet to catch up with my enthusiasm, I am having fun on my bike again.

Saturday, April 6, 2013


birthday hike to the ruins

I know we spend a lot of time here, but it's one of our favorite spots.

This time last year we were feverishly stringing lights from the rafters at Paradise Farms. Our dear friends were scrambling all over creation for one more round table, six more folding chairs, another vase? More twinkle lights? Cake toppers! Do we have cake toppers? Trail markers...who is going to post the trail markers?!
Our caterer, Joan, thoughtfully surprised me with an awesome chocolate cake right in the middle of all the craziness. 
Needless to say, it was quite a birthday.

Thirty-seven is going to be hard to beat, but thirty-eight feels pretty blessed so far.   

Friday, April 5, 2013

it shouldn't matter...

It shouldn't matter, but it does...
Those are my regular old jeans.
Not my favorite pair, but my old jeans nonetheless.
I put them on this morning and while it's not the prettiest sight, it's not the most obscene either.

What is in the background of that photo is what really matters, though...
That little girl certainly wreaked a bit lot of havoc on my body, but was worth it.
So, so worth it.

Never too old for Vans (thirty-eight tomorrow)!


Thursday, April 4, 2013


She is definitely full of personality now.
I love her little voice and I love our simple days.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

this made my day

My son is pretty hot and cold when it comes to riding his bike.
When he shows a glimmer of interest, I jump at the chance to make it happen
"Listen.This bridge is high enough that you will get messed up if you ride off the side. Like stitches for sure. Look where you want to go, which is straight ahead. Do not get distracted and look off to the side."
"I know. Just go."

a month without sugar

I've decided I can't write a post about losing the last of this "baby weight" without sounding like an asshole...
I'm riding/running("running")/walking/hiking/sweating on a regular basis, but I need to reign in my sugar habit.

Yesterday was day one.
I'm cranky, but this is temporary.

Sugar is everywhere and I love it.

I am tired of looking at a closet full of cute clothes that don't fit me.
I am tired of the two pairs of sad "transitional" jeans I treated myself to when I packed up the maternity clothes.
They're starting to look like Mom Jeans.
If I'm not careful, it will soon be a whole Mom Suit.
I don't even know how to get dressed or what to wear anymore and that bugs me.

It's been three months...I can't use the "I just had a baby" excuse for much longer (I know, I took nine months to get here, it can take just that long to get back...except, no).

No sugar, no junk at all for this whole entire month.
Break a sweat every day.
No exceptions.

okay, one exception...our anniversary. I'm not going to be a lame date and not enjoy a drink and some dessert with my husband of ONE YEAR.