Wednesday, October 16, 2013

home again

just another (illin) hospital selfie
So, recurrent (aseptic) meningitis is a thing and after another stay in the hospital (just three days, this time), it was determined that I have it.
I don't know why I have this syndrome or where it came from, but it it will be a while before I am "all clear" or "out of the woods."
On the one hand, I'm glad there's a valid reason as to why I've not felt like myself since this all began.
On the other hand...shit.

There's more for me to find out and learn about when I follow up with a specialist in a few weeks. If we know where the virus came from, it can be treated more effectively and hopefully I can avoid becoming a regular at the hospital.
While I am very grateful for the excellent care I received during my stay, I'd like to get healthy and be away from there...for, like, a long time.
I'm beyond worrying about my fitness or getting back on the bike...I just want to to be present and not counting the minutes between my baby's naps or how long I have until my son gets home from school. 
While I'm dealing with this, I don't feel like a great mom and I don't feel like doing much.
Relying on family and friends in a way I'm not used to ("can you please occupy my children for a few hours so they are worn out and sleep for me?") has me feeling kinda like a jerk.

I'm happy to be home, but I'll be happier when I feel like myself again.
   



2 comments:

Flora and Fauna said...

Praying for a swift recovery for you my dear. And don't be so hard on yourself!! You are doing great! xo

Kim said...

awww, thank you for the kind words :)