Saturday, September 20, 2014

Not ready for All the Fun...

Went to an end-of-summer BBQ tonight with Bill and Max.
In spite of all the friendly faces and festivities, I felt like a complete outsider.
I've never felt so disconnected from everything and everybody.
I feel safe and comfortable amongst my own little tribe/family, but the moment I step out of that bubble, I'm a mess.
Exiting a party like a ninja ("ghosting", I believe, is what it's called) is my signature move no matter the mood or occasion and tonight was no exception...
The difference is, I didn't quite feel like I was even really there in the first place.
I'm sure I made small talk and exchanged pleasantries...
I'm (fairly) sure I didn't make an ass of myself...
But, I felt like the words coming out of my  (very sober) mouth were coming from somebody else.
Feeling this way is a fucking nightmare.
Yesterday, I discovered my pharmacy made a pretty drastic error with my medication and now I'm paying the price.
I know I'll get through this, hopefully without any serious implications, but right now it sucks and I don't even want to have fun.

Wtf, indeed...

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