I mean, nobody has a smile or laugh like her. I miss it. Last year I powered through the holidays...you're so strong...you're handling this so well...your mom is proud...she is with you.
Sometimes those sentiments are comforting. Sometimes they make me feel like a fraud.
Really? Is waking up & wanting to pawn your children off to just about anyone so you can have an epic break down in peace handling this so well?
I know it's normal, I know grief comes & goes...ebbs & flows blah blah blah.
But, sometimes, she's really truly the only one I want to commiserate with. Banter with. Listen to.
This is what I conjure in my head when I get stuck in the grim details of watching my mom die.
I mean, that was just one day that ended her life time of many, many days like this:
While I sometimes fall into the tenuous, messy loop of that ugly day back in June 2014, I have countless...countless...memories & images that I can tap into.
Countless people who have been touched by her kindness, her generous spirit, her goofy wit, her blunt wisdom.
Thank god for her.
And that, I think, is my Thanksgiving sentiment that I want to share with you;
There's a tricky side of the holidays that leaves some (many?) of us heavy with loss and longing.
Most of us have something funny or outrageous or meaningful or touching to look back on, so I guess...
Sit with the tricky part; settle into it.
Just don't sink all the way down.
Be present, enjoy your loved ones, nourish your friendships, strengthen the ties that may have frayed over the year...let that pick you up and hold you up.