Thursday, January 28, 2016

This still happens sometimes

  •  Yesterday was a super shitty day & I had one too many "I just want my mom" moments. 

    Luckily, she's never far from me and it's pretty easy to conjure her (metaphorical) spirit. When you watch somebody you love die, it's impossible to unsee those last moments. It was really hard to see my beautiful, youthful mom literally crumble, unravel, and...die. 

    Physically, it's quite jarring and kinda scary and ugly. It's hard to unsee it, but I also have 39 years full...bursting-at-the-seams-full, of images like these (the ones above; dancing on NYE Mom, Snowshoeing Mom, Dressed for her grandson's birthday party Mom, chillin on the beach Cool Mom...and so many, many many more, thank god).

    If you knew my mom, I bet you can still hear her laugh...I bet you can still picture her grooving to her favorite songs...I bet you can envision her face light up when you enter the room. 

    Because if you knew Mare, I bet you were one of her favorite people. Her heart was big enough for everyone...and then some. 

    See? Wherever she is, she is still finding ways to pick me up when I'm down. 

    Love you, mom. xo

    Thank you, mom.
    I'm quite sure she is the one who made me pay really close attention to all the normal, everyday stuff so that someday I would be able to enjoy this gift and never be longing or searching for memories.

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