Thursday, January 28, 2016

This still happens sometimes



  •  Yesterday was a super shitty day & I had one too many "I just want my mom" moments. 

    Luckily, she's never far from me and it's pretty easy to conjure her (metaphorical) spirit. When you watch somebody you love die, it's impossible to unsee those last moments. It was really hard to see my beautiful, youthful mom literally crumble, unravel, and...die. 

    Physically, it's quite jarring and kinda scary and ugly. It's hard to unsee it, but I also have 39 years full...bursting-at-the-seams-full, of images like these (the ones above; dancing on NYE Mom, Snowshoeing Mom, Dressed for her grandson's birthday party Mom, chillin on the beach Cool Mom...and so many, many many more, thank god).


    If you knew my mom, I bet you can still hear her laugh...I bet you can still picture her grooving to her favorite songs...I bet you can envision her face light up when you enter the room. 

    Because if you knew Mare, I bet you were one of her favorite people. Her heart was big enough for everyone...and then some. 

    See? Wherever she is, she is still finding ways to pick me up when I'm down. 

    Love you, mom. xo



    And.
    Thank you, mom.
    I'm quite sure she is the one who made me pay really close attention to all the normal, everyday stuff so that someday I would be able to enjoy this gift and never be longing or searching for memories.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

And a happy new year...

Spent New Years Eve in Ocean City (on the short list of my happy places) with my dad, his gal, my family, and my bestie & her crew. 
We ate delicious food, listened (and of course danced) to good tunes, played Heads Up, drank Prosecco (cut mine with pomegranate juice, so as to increase my odds of making it to midnight), laughed, dodged wily toddlers, and basically made merry. 
As midnight struck, we popped a bottle of bubbly, kissed our respective beloveds, toasted to 2016, and wished BP a happy birthday.
At 12:01, Lindsay & I gleefully (drunkenly?) headed out for our first run of 2016. We dashed to the beach, paused for a shot of Cuervo, caught the last few fireworks, then hustled back to the house.
Upon thawing out, we all sang happy birthday to my dad & proceeded to demolish the delicious spice cake.
It was a lovely, low key evening (maybe we broke up a few toddler brawls, but that's nothing...the girls were content to jump on the bed and the boys commiserated about whatever preteen boys with endless common threads commiserate about).
I made it.
2016, let's be healthy first & foremost, okay? Health begets happiness, so let's strive for that.
2016, let's preserve some of our amazing memories. How about we take lots of pictures & print them out?
2016, let's get creative & make art. Let's hustle and sell some art.
2016, let's get our shit together. How about we replace that janky window that is about to fall out of the house? How about we try even harder not to live hand to mouth, paycheck-to-paycheck? Nobody needs that stress.
2016, let's keep running running running, but let's get on the bike, too. Even better, how about riding together?? (Me & my love)
2016, let's be great parents. Potty training sucks. Giving up the binky sucks. Nagging about homework & hygiene sucks. How about we try something else because the current situation is wearing us down (kids included)?
2016, let's chill the fuck out. How about we enjoy our blessings instead of counting them? You never know what tomorrow brings, let alone a whole year, so let's take it day by day. Okay?
Cool.
Happy Happy Happy New Year! xo